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Men Women and Marriage

Written by Love

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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 Men Women And Marriage

All Men Are Alike Joke
A few days after his daughter announced her engagement, the father questioned, “Does this fellow have any money?”

“Oh, you men are all alike, “the girl replied. “That’s what he asked about you.”

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Men Women And Marriage

Bedroom Tales – Very Funny Joke
Wife comes home late at night and quietly sneaks into her bedroom – not wanting to wake up her husband.

She however discovers four legs peeping from under the Blanket instead of two!

Enraged, she reaches for a baseball bat and starts clobbering the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she discovers her husband there, reading a magazine.

“Hi Darling”, he says, “Your Parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.”

Hope you have said hello to them….!!!!

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Men Women And Marriage

A couple hired a new chauffeur. The lady asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience.

Back home, she pleaded with her husband, “Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning.”

“Darling, don’t be so hasty,” replied the husband, “give him another chance.”

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Too Early Or Too Late – Joke

A man and his wife arrived at the airport too late and missed their flight.

He said, “If you hadn’t have taken so long getting ready we wouldn’t have missed the flight!”

She said, “If you hadn’t hurried me so, we wouldn’t have had to wait so long for the next flight!”

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Husband: Every time I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet seat..

Husband: how does it help

Wife: I use your toothbrush!!!!

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

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A woman called in a repairman to mend her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband’s key in the lock. “Hurry,” she said to the repairman, “you’ll have to hide. My husband is insanely suspicious.”

There was no time to run out of the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.

The husband came in and plopped down on his favourite chair to watch some football.

Inside the TV the repairman was all squinched up getting hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn’t stand it any more. He climbed out, marched across the room and out of the front door.

The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, “I didn’t see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?”

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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

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A man left from work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.

After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What’s the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

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