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Funny Marriage Jokes

Men Women And Marriage



The Magic Door Joke

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this Father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don”t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… “Go get your Mother.”


New Drug For Husbands Joke
New drugs for men created by women scientists are waiting for FDA approval…

ANIVERSIA: Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries…

SLIMOXIL: Widens male cornea making wives appear slim…

SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word “Sports” on TV…

WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores…

SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently…

FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by.


Cross Country Runner – Joke
Every weekend, her husband would be out playing football with his local team and while he was away, Gloria would entertain her lover. However, disaster struck one afternoon when the pitch was so waterlogged that the husband came back early.

“Quick,” whispered the wife, “crouch down behind the sofa, it’s too late to get away.”

Unfortunately, the husband settled himself down and didn’t look as if he was going to move.

“Bugger this,” muttered the lover to himself, and he stood up wearing only jockey shorts and a vest saying, as he walked out of the door, “Bloody weather, can’t see a thing, you didn’t see which way the cross country runners went”


Visit From Mother-In-Law Joke

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.

The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

“Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”


Dreams Come True – Joke

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”


Marriage Counseling – Funny Joke

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor.

After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.

He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug.

He looked at the man and said, “This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!”

The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, “OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?”



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