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Naughty “Little Johnny” jokes

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car pass the play ground and go into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a “Passionate Embrace”.
Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as
he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly,
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story.
So Little Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw
Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to
look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off
her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid
down on the seat, then Daddy….”
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the
undressing, laying down on the seat, and “….then Daddy and Aunt Jane
did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when
Daddy was in the Navy.”

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, “None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking,”
Then Little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is
delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second
is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off
the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied “Well I suppose the one
that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone”
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is the one with
the wedding ring on …but I like your thinking.
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’”
“But that’s right!”
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,
‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’
Little Johnny waves his hand, ‘Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!’
Miss Rogers: ‘All right, little Johnny, what is your
multi-syllable word?’
Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’
Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little Johnny, that’s a
Little Johnny says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of
a blowjob”.
Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly
letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school.
When she insisted on knowing why he
exhibited such offensive behavior,
Little Johnny said,
“I do it because I can do it better than anybody,
and I’m very proud of that fact.”
The teacher says, “If I show you I can do it better
than you, will you stop?”
Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces
of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust
on eachone. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down,
farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust
off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted
her skirt, squatted down and farted but when
she was done, there wasn’t trace of chalk dust
left on the paper.
Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do
it again. She was willing and as she repeated the
process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt.
“No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly,
“you’ve got a Double-Barrel!”

Little Johnny’s mom

the teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents
did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor,
another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said “My mom’s a
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s
office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher
asked “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”
Johnny said, “Yes.” “Well, what did the principal say?”
“He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me
an apple and asked for my phone number.


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